Hope in the Ashes

Lisa2 November, 1998
It is the hope-killer.
The dream-slayer.

*

Anger at the unfairness of the world
boils inside me
you who have given me
this blessing, this curse
A chapter in my life now closed.
but you, at least
you left me my trust.

Trust in love.
Trust in the universe.
Trust in doing the right thing.
And what, after all, is trust
but faith
and what is faith
but hope?

*

Until the next chapter opened.
You I gave my heart
trust, faith and honesty
You rewarded me by snuffing out the flame
of hope
fed by the innocence
that lived still
in my soul.
You with your righteous anger
at the shadows of my past
do you know
who hurt me more?
The heavy stone door
shut with an echo
and I,
too wounded to scream
curled up in the cold
of this untouchable silence
buried alive
in this world.

It is dark now
and I have never felt so alone.

*

I wander through this house today
mourning my future
saddened by the charred skeletons
of children, the husband I loved
the life I always knew
glimmered somewhere in the distance
until now.

I cry over the bodies
of what should have been.

My sorrow flows like water.

*

Outside the house
of imagined graves
the unpredictable future laughs
at my certainty.

Silly child,
what do you know?

Perhaps they are all there
my children
my husband
my love
my life

just waiting
for me to escape this tomb.